How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you would pick up someone in the library
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
