i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
