is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
