Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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