I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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