can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
