My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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