lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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