you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
