after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
