And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
