that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
