If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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