I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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