She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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