Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
