Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
