Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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