For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
