Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
