I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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