Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
