That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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