What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
