Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
