you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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