I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
