We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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