the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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