ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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