all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize