oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
