I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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