Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
