when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
