I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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