my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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