jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
