she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
