Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
