her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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