It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
