Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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