Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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