I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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