At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
