And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
