I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Small penises have feelings too.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just high enough for therapy.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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