I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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