i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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