just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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