So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize