I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
