Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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