im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Who died my cat blue again?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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