Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
