the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
