I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
