P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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