I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
