Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Randomize