Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
