Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
