dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
