If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize