just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
