Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
