Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
