Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize