Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
