I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
