how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
