I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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