u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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