the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
