I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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