Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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