Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
