what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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