..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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