The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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