You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
