too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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