one might say we're banned from that church
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
