It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
