I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
