Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Brb crying the tears of my youth
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
