I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
