I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
