Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
