yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
