The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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