I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
