batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
