There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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