Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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