He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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