i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
