Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
