i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
