My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
