Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
